A short story written back in 2008

http://voices.yahoo.com/the-reality-life-2010755.html?cat=9

The Reality of Life
Innocence Lost

Do you have the ability to come to terms with reality? Reality? Was this all there was to life?
This was the question that was asked. But who was it? Who asked this question?

As she turned slowly around no one appeared in the room. Turning once again, she looked into the mirror.

The face looking back at her had become a stranger. Who was this stranger? Where had the young lady gone?

Who was this middle aged woman who looked back at her? Surely this could not be her "own" reflection?

But it was how this could have happened she did not know.

So many plans she had made, writing them down one by one. Wasn't that the way it was done?
But of all her plans none had came full circle.

Instead broken and shattered pieces of her heart lay all around her. For all the world to see, her heart had been broken and trampled, shattered and torn. Nothing was there to show for her life. Even the mirror that held her reflection was not her own. Instead it belonged to the mission.

Someone had invited her in out of the cold. She expected out of pity on their part. But she was so lonely, and so cold she really did not care today. A warm shower, a clean change of clothes, a safe place to sleep she was told. The only thing that disturbed her somewhat was she knew not what would be expected of her.

Everyone had seemed so nice earlier, but what if these people decided to turn her out again into the night as some kind of cruel joke? She had no one to call, no place to go. Her money had all long been spent, her youth faded and spent way before her prime. Well this was not entirely true, she did have money, but she would never spend it, as she was saving it.

No loved ones to wonder where she was, no one who even cared. Why oh, why, had she this night of all nights chosen to accept an invitation from a stranger to stay in a place like this. How many years had it been since she had last slept in a real bed? When was the last time she had even really looked into a mirror?

Things had not always been this way. She knew many had lived lives much more difficult than hers. She had started out rather privileged compared to some. Her parents were married, her father a successful business man, her mother a gifted host, a member of many of the social clubs in their community. She had always worn the best of clothing, lived in the best neighborhoods, had traveled far and wide before she had even yet reached the ripe old age of 23.

As her mind drifted back in time she again saw her mother as she prepared to entertain her guest, having little time for her, as it was very important to make a good impression on her newest guests. Her mother often would say a hurried goodnight, as she was left with one sitter after another. The home she had grown up in was so large that it would make this place she was in tonight look very small. Her parents had one of the largest homes in the state, which is why her mother could leave her with a sitter, and yet never really leave the house.

Her father was no better, a hurried hug, a wave of the hand and away he would go, maybe a call maybe a card. Often a gift brought at an airport in some town far away. Busy, busy, this was the way it was, her parents were so busy they never even saw her heart break every time they closed the door and went away.

Never did they know the sitters who were cruel, never did they know that some had even abused and used her in ways that were unmentionable here. No one knew, and no one cared. How could they she had often reasoned within herself.

Then her parents went away on a special vacation they said, only going to be away a few weeks. This was the plan, but something happened. She was no longer a child, a young lady all of 18 it seems. Her parents were only going to be gone a few weeks, she would be fine. Call if you need us they said.

Many times over she had been left in the company of a sitter or a Nanny but all of that was in the past because she was an adult now, she could come and go as she wanted, no one had ever cared not really. And now it did not matter if they did or did not, because legally she was an adult she was free to come and go as she pleased.

As her eyes drifted across the small room of the mission, she wondered what her parents would think if they could see her now. All alone in a shabby part of town, on a cold dark and damp night, not knowing even where her next meal was coming from. This was in part her choice due to the fact she refused to touch her savings. That money she reasoned would be needed someday. she would get by.

She wondered if her parents had ever even cared, maybe she thought to herself they had in their own way. But they were always so busy she could never get close to them.

Again she remembers the phone call in the middle of the night, and the knock on the door a short time later. Her parents had both been killed unexpectedly. The small airplane they had been in had crashed, there were no survivors, their bodies could not even be found. As she remembered listening to the officer speak at the doorway, that night so long ago, she wondered to herself. Why can't I feel any pain? Even now all the years later she felt nothing, nothing at all. Even when the courts had taken all of her parents' money and possessions leaving her penniless and alone she felt nothing. Why?

Again she remembers the day her parents left, how they had told her they loved her, how they had promised they would be back soon. Then she remembers again the handyman her parents had hired to come by to take care of the flower gardens her mother so enjoyed showing off to her guests. She remembers how not three hours after her parents had left this man had came over. She had met him before, he had hurt her before. She did not trust him. But her parents thought the world of this man; they did not know what he was really like. Or if they did they did not care.

More likely they just did not know, because their lives were too busy to really notice the little things around them, or to see the tears of their only child, as innocence was taken away.

Looking over the room once more she sits down in the rocking chair near the floor length mirror. Tears trickle down her cheeks as she thinks about that day so long ago. She had locked the doors so carefully; she had intended that he would not get in. But she had forgotten that her father had given this man a key.

Her heart ached as she remembered all that went on that week, before she was informed of her parents death, before she knew that all of the things her parents had worked for their whole lives was gone, Everything, was gone, she was not allowed more than what she could carry just a few personal items and a small bag of clothes. Why the tears now she suddenly wondered, why now?

Thrown out into the street for all practical purposes, no one to turn to no one to care, she did not know what to do. Ending up the night she was thrown out in a homeless shelter, where she would stay for several months as she tried to find a job. But while she was there she would find she was expecting.

This was too much, how could it be that this man who had stolen her innocence was also the father of her child. Her only child as she would never have another child.

When it was found out she was expecting the shelter referred her to a home for unwed mothers. Here she would be cared for and treated very well. For the first time in her life she would feel like someone cared for her. She would learn to trust for the very first time in her life, she would even throw caution to the wind. Barely even looking at the papers she was asked to sign, thinking the papers were intended only to provide care for her and the baby. Never knowing that she was signing away all of her rights to her baby.

She had come to accept that she was going to have a baby; she had decided that she would love this baby and keep this baby. She would give this baby something her parents had never given her, she would give her baby love and time.

Remembering back she had found a job that would pay enough for her to rent a small apartment after the baby was born. She was told she could stay at the home for unwed mothers until the baby was born. So she had decided she would save any money she made from the job she had found. So she could buy the things she would need for her and the baby.

But then that fateful day came. The day her baby was born. She had thought the people at this home were her friends; they had been so kind, so loving. Paid her so much attention, but then when she had her baby they would not let her see him. It is better this way, she was told. She had no money then to fight them, her social connections long gone. there was nothing she could do as her baby was taken away.

She wanted so badly to see him, to hold him. Finally one young nurse had let her hold him for a few minutes before taking him away forever.

The papers she had so carelessly signed had been adoption papers. Her baby was gone, gone with someone who she did not know would never know. She cried and cried until no more tears would fall.
Her heart broken and torn, she promised herself to never allow herself to ever trust again. Never she promised, never would anyone hurt her again. The day her tears dried she built a wall around her heart.

Many odd jobs she would work over the years, many acquaintances's she would make, but no true friends. Never she had promised herself would she allow anyone close enough to touch her heart. The wall she had built around her heart was solid, no one would every hurt her again.

As she had wandered from town to town she had often wondered what had become of her son, where was he, was he alive, did he know she had carelessly given him away. Oh, why, why, had she not read that paper? This paper, this record was the cause of her hurt and her pain, her broken heart. But one day, this paper would also bring healing.

They had tricked her it is true, but if only she had taken time to read what she was signing if only she could take back that day. Only when she thought of that day would a twinge of pain cross through her heart. She had learned to push these thoughts away.

But sometimes when she saw families gathering for Thanksgiving or another holiday her heart would feel as though it were bleeding. It was at those times she would be the most likely to just walk out of the place she was working, never to return. Eccentric or odd is what she had become, never really hearing anyone speak to her. Going through the motions of life, never really living.

She had worked many low paying jobs through the years; some were not enough to even pay for a place to live. Well maybe she could of found some place to live, but she chose not to, preferring instead to put all of her money into a savings account she had started years ago. She never even checked the balance. The money would go to her son; she had decided this a long time ago. So she worked hard, yet she slept in the alley ways, in abandoned houses, in homeless shelters, even as her savings increased.

So she wandered from town to town, although staying fairly close to the area where her son was stolen from her. She preferred to say stolen because she could not bear the thought that she had really given up the one person in all the world who she had really came to love. The reality that she is the one who had signed the papers was too much to bear.

Many knew her around the towns she wandered, and whispered behind her back, whispering about how she had lost her mind when her parents had been killed, and all her material possessions had been sold to pay the outstanding debts of her parents. Eccentric, odd the gossips would say, but even if she had of heard their whispers it is doubtful she would of said anything, as her mind was always on that day long ago. And always she was searching, looking at faces, trying to find the one who was stolen away.

Most did not know she had stayed for a time at the unwed mothers' home, this was a well kept secret, you might say. But a well recorded record had been made, complete with her photo and her signature. This record would one day bring healing to her broken and shattered heart. Sooner than she may of expected even.

The handyman who had taken her innocence had long since died, some say he died because of the life he lived, which is most likely true, others had rumored someone had poisoned him, but this no one will ever know because this happened so long ago. And no one thought to check for poison, death due to natural causes is what the corner said. So it was left at that. If it were poison no one knew it was a rumor. She had often wished him dead. She wonder could she have caused him to die with the poison thoughts she had towards him all those years. Perhaps in a way she was guilty of his death she reasoned since she wished him dead for so long.

As Nancy looked around the room again, she was started to see the young man who had invited her in. As she looked at him, he seemed to look strangely familiar. But she could not quite place her finger on it. There was something about his eye's...

The young man was talking, she needed to come to her senses, and stop reflecting on the past, what had happened was past, there was no going back. She had been foolish to of placed all her money into savings bonds and a savings account over the years expecting that one day she would give this to her son. Her son who was stolen away, it had been more than twenty years.

She was getting too old to go from place to place taking odd jobs, working as a cleaning lady here, a waitress there, she was growing old. Her body was aging, her health was rapidly failing. She had money in the bank, she had saved quite a large sum over the years, most would be surprised to know that. Especially as she had never rented or owned a home since her parents death, often staying in shelters, or finding an old abandoned house to sleep in.

But now she was tired, she heart had been broken and shattered so many times, there was nothing left to glue her heart together again. She just did not feel like trying, she was done. Tomorrow after the storm passed she would go to the bank and draw out enough to rent an apartment. Life on the streets was just too hard.

She had searched and searched looking into the faces of so many children over the years hoping against hope to see her baby, but never seeing anyone who even looked vaguely familiar. Now as she sat in this lonely mission on a shabby side of town, what does she see? Someone who looks for all the world as if he could have the eyes of the baby she gave away so many years ago.

But no she says to herself, it cannot be. The mind plays tricks and the heart is unstable. In the morning...in the morning I will find a place to stay. I will never see my baby again. As she says this again in her mind the wall she built so long ago around her heart shivers just a little. Soon this wall will be broken down. The wall will be broken and her heart mended.

But this is not something Nancy knows.

As she turns again to the young man standing in the door he says again, "madam" ,"I would like to invite you to our service this evening, ". So this is it she thinks to herself, a religious cult. How had she failed to notice the sign outside? She had long ago stopped believing in God, she had never trusted in him even as a child, because she could not understand why God would allow bad things to happen. Besides her parents had never mentioned God to her, no one had. Money and business is all her parents had talked about. Even on their last vacation, this was to be a vacation slash business trip. Her parents had decided they wanted to make business contacts, in that area, so they had arranged a vacation specifically to make new business associates.

Well, the young man was still standing there waiting for her answer. He had been so kind, the weather was much colder than expected, she had mistakenly traveled further north than she had attended, come to think of it, she had never even been to this area before.

He had given her a clean warm change of clothing, even found some new shoes I the clothing closet that fit her. She finally decided maybe it would not hurt, besides she was leaving in the morning. She would make her way back to her home town, where her bank was, and she would withdraw what she needed to rent an apartment. She was still fairly young she reasoned, within herself. It would be rude not to accept his invitation she thought to herself as she slowly rose to her feet. But really she did not want to do anything other than go to sleep.

The room was not all that well lit anyways, the reflection in the mirror was just a poor reflection due to the lighting, after all she was not yet forty, granted she would be in a few months. But she was still fairly young. Wasn't age more about how you felt than a number? Ummm...well maybe that was not a good thought, because she felt a lot older than the reflection in the mirror looked.

It was just one evening, and she had never been to any kind of religious service so she may as well attend she decided. So she picked up the sweater the young man had given her earlier. Suddenly it dawned on her she did not even know his name. Besides she did not want to be rude she reasoned, after all he had given her a clean change of clothing, new shoes even from what they called their clothing closet. Coming to the evening service was the least she could do.

But before she could ask him, he said just follow me, chapel is down this hallway to the left right next to the cafeteria. This place was much bigger than it looked from the outside she thought to herself.

But then it was night time, and foggy, so maybe the building looked bigger in the day time.
Just then a young lady about 19 or so came to her side, and said, I see you have met my husband. He will be preaching tonight, because our regular speaker was delayed due to the weather. We try to have a Bible study with preaching every evening. Because we never know who might be here for the first time.

By the way, my name is Jenny; my husband's name is Robbie. We just got married six months ago, right after I turned 19. Not knowing exactly what to say Nancy said congratulations. As they walked down the hallway, which suddenly seemed to be very long, Jenny chattered and chattered.

Several more people met them in the small chapel area, which was really part of the cafeteria if someone wanted to get technical about it.

But Jenny and Robbie had hung a curtain to divide the room and placed the chairs in rows, the same chairs that had been in the dining area earlier Nancy noticed, saying nothing.

Several of the others appeared to be well acquainted with how things worked. One older man, passing out hymnals, as Jenny walked towards the front to play the piano. Several songs would be song, songs that Nancy had never once heard.

Looking around the room Nancy counted maybe thirty others besides herself.

Just then Robbie was starting to speak...

The first words he spoke from the pulpit area, sent chills down Nancy's spine. Because he said, "today I would like to talk to you about adoption.... And the love of Christ...."

Continuing on Robbie said, " as many of you know I was adopted as an infant, I was adopted by a very loving and caring family, who cared enough to tell me about Christ..."

At this point Nancy could barely see for the tears streaming down her face... she knew now beyond a shadow of a doubt why Robbie's eyes had looked so familiar. She had finally found her son. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt at that moment. This would soon be proven and accepted by both Robbie and his new bride, and even his adoptive parents.

As Nancy listened to the words her son was speaking, she knew now that there really was a God, and he really had cared for her all these years. As the walls around her heart began to crumble, the gospel of Christ was able to penetrate another heart that had been hardened.

God had protected and provided for her son in ways she never could, he had also guided her steps that night to the one place her son would be. Her son had a heart for the lost, a desire to tell others of the love of God. To bring hope to those who had given up.

Tonight would be the night that Nancy accepted Christ, the night that Nancy would know that she had a home in heaven. It would also be the night she was reunited with her son. Tonight would be the night that Nancy would finally have a loving and caring family.

The money Nancy had saved over the years came up to quite a large sum. Nancy had always promised herself if ever she should find her son she would give all of this money to her son.

Many times Nancy would tell how God in his mercy and grace had chosen to place Robbie within a godly home, where he could learn of the love of God, coming to an early salvation with a heart towards the lost. She would tell anyone who would listen how God had directed her steps that fateful night.

Then true to her nature this is exactly what Nancy did. At first Robbie and Jenny were not convinced of Nancy's story but within a matter of weeks everything was confirmed to be true. The original adoption papers were found the ones that included an old faded picture of herself, and her signature signing away all rights to her baby.     

Nancy was accepted by both Robbie and Jenny with open arms; even Robbie's adoptive family accepted Nancy. Never had Nancy felt so at home, finally she was loved.

Due to the many years that Nancy spent living on the streets her body had grown weary, her body had weakened to the point that she would never be able to fully recover the strength of her youth.

But Nancy would live to see her first grandchild, who would be named after her, Nancy Elaine; this was Nancy's first grandchild. Nancy would only live for a few short years after the birth of her granddaughter. During that time Nancy would often speak of the amazing grace of God, and would tell many of how she came to find not only her son, but her saviour on that bitterly cold and foggy evening.

After her death her testimony would be kept alive by her son and daughter in law who would talk of how God had guided Nancy's steps that night. One of the coldest on record that year, many died that night due to the cold. But Nancy found life that night.

You can also find life through Christ.

It does not matter where you came from or your background or the color of your skin. As Nancy found so can you find that it is through Christ you may find life.

  Many people have been hurt in this world many have suffered unjustly, but God is still faithful and God still hears, and more than all that, God cared enough to die for each one of us that we might live.
The reflection we see today in the mirror is only a dim light of what is to come, heaven is bright, and a beautiful place, it is a place of love and happiness. I hope that all who read this story will turn to Christ one day.

This story was fictional, but some elements are from my life, my innocence was taken away at a young age, I lost a son a year ago, I will never see him again this side of heaven. But I have the hope that I will see him again one day because he professed to be saved, and showed evidence in his life of salvation. One day I will see my son again.

Just as Nancy in the story found her son after many years of wandering, one day I will see my son again. Only there will be no more departing, no more goodbyes. There will be no more hurts, no one will steal away the innocence that can never be found again on this side of heaven.

Many things I lost in my life, but for all I have lost one thing I have gained that no one can steal, no one can take, and no one can remove, and that is the promise of a home in heaven one day.

I hope that you too can say you have been adopted into the family of God.

If you have trully accepted Christ as your Lord and Saviour there is no one who can take that away from you. Your eternity is secure. There is no true security outside of Christ.

I hope you who have read this will consider who Jesus Christ is, if you do not know him, I pray that you will one day come to know him as your Lord and Saviour, securing your eternity forevermore.
I hope this has been a blessing to you.