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http://voices.yahoo.com/how-talk-teenager-244469.html?cat=25
"How to Talk to Your Teenager"
Do You Take Time to Listen to What Your Child Says?
Someday it just seems like your child has become someone you just don't know. Sometimes you may find that you do not even like your teenager.
Not that you don't still love your child. But it can be difficult for you to like your teenager, if your teen has become moody, self-centered, won't listen to anything you say, destructive etc.
You may even find yourself thinking at times that your teenager behaved much better when they were two years old.
Not all parents have teenagers that just change over night practically. But some parents do have children that just seem to change, practically overnight. Really they don't. But it is a lot harder to ignore a temper tantrum that a teenager may be having than it is a two year old.
A two year old you can just pick up and remove to another area, you can place a two year old in their room and close the door.
But if you have a teenager who is as tall as you are and may even be heavier than you, you will find that you have a problem if you try to pick them up and move them anywhere.
Not only could you seriously injure yourself while trying to pick up your child. Your child could hurt you by refusing to cooperate and go to their room. Not because they really mean to either. It is also unlikely that you would really try to pick up a teenager to remove them either.
For one thing it is not practical, for another it would lead to a wrestling match. Doing nothing to help improve the communication in your home.
Anyone who is having a temper tantrum whether a small child, a teen or an adult is generally only thinking about what they perceive to be wrong in their world, if anything at all. They are not thinking of any repercussions to how they are acting.
So what should you do if your teen is out of control screaming and not listening to anything that you are saying?
Well what you should do first is to remain calm; you need to be the adult. As long as your teen is not getting violent or causing serious bodily harm to someone just let them scream and holler. Later you need to let your child know that you will not be listening to them at all when they are not speaking at a decent level.
And do not try to reason with them, you can do that later. When things are calmer you can take time to work out the problems with your child.
You can avoid many problems in the teen years by taking time to really listen to your child, when they are younger.
But sometimes as parents we just don't do all the things that we should do, so you have to work thru mistakes that you may have made earlier.
Like when your child had something to tell you when they were much younger, but you were too busy. Maybe you did not think you had put your child off too many times. But in reality you had, and you had made your child feel like their concerns were not as serious as they felt they were.
Maybe their problems were not serious, but that is not the point. The point is you did not take time to really listen. So your child would know that you cared about how things concerned them.
Well unless you can find a working time machine it is highly unlikely that you will be able to change anything that you did or did not do in your past.
So you will need to work on the present, which is all anyone can do really.
What you can do that will help you to either avoid many conflicts with your child or reduce the tension in your home, is to take time to listen. I did not say talk, but listen with your mouth shut.
Allow your child to tell you all about their day without interruption. And really listen.
Listen as your child tells you what they want to do with their life, and listen as your child tells you what concerns them.
Maybe what they are telling you is trivial in your mind, but in their much younger heart and mind what they have to say is just as important as anything anyone else has ever said.
While taking time to really listen with your full attention to your child will not be a solution to all problems you may have with your teenager. Listening will be a very big step forward. And can start your family on the way to less stressful days.
You do not have to agree with everything your teenager says, but by allowing your child to talk to you and tell you what they think about different things. You are showing your child that you believe that they are really important to you.
Listening is very important to communication, and to having a good relationship with your children.
Not listening well, and not taking time for your teenager can lead to many problems. That will be very hard to fix.
It is better to avoid problems when possible than it is to try and fix problems. Many times teens with behaviour problems can be traced back to early childhood.
But not always. Sometimes a teenager will just get influenced or involved with people that are not good for them. Many times the influence of others can be less when a parent is involved in their childs life from the beginning, and the parent remembers that teens need someone to talk too, and someone to listen.
It is better for you and your teenager if the person they trust most to talk to about any problems is you, instead of another teen or adult who may have ideas about life very different from what you accept.
Taking time to listen to your teen can mean that your teen will take time to listen to you.
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