Can Too Much Complaining Hurt a Relationship?

An article I wrote back in 2010


http://voices.yahoo.com/can-too-much-complaining-hurt-relationship-5317379.html?cat=41


Can Too Much Complaining Hurt a Relationship?
Are You Destroying Your Personal Life?


Venting stress: Can too much complaining hurt a relationship?
Ok, so the question is "Can too much complaining hurt a relationship?"



Well of course it can. Too much of anything can be very bad for your health, relationships, the environment, everything.



Can a little venting be helpful to a relationship? Well of course, it can provide, the "venting" done is not an attack on the other party.



Constant complaining is tedious, and irritating. It can overtime wear anyone down.
Think about it this way, a little rain can be very good for your garden, plants, etc. But a lot of rain, is very bad for your garden, plants, home etc. It can even be deadly, as anyone who has ever lived through a major flood can attest too.



Complaining is something that is wearying to the soul. It is also something I have personally engaged in too often. It is a poor testimony on my part, and makes me appear hypocritical to those closest to me.



This is especially true for anyone who claims to be a saved born again Christian. When a Christian makes a commitment to complain, what may happen is an unsaved person will overhear the complaining or "venting". This in turn will not only hurt the testimony of the Christian it will also tell others that the Christian is not fully able or willing to trust in God.



Sometimes life is really just bad, or worse, every single day. And we really do feel like venting to anyone nearby, some of us may even take to literally "talking to walls, trees, animals" or other objects that cannot answer back.



Many times when we are facing a lot of stress we do feel like complaining we may even find ourselves complaining a lot. When we may a habit of complaining we forget that our words do have an impact on others.



If we complain daily or vent to others about trivial things day in and day out, when we have a major issue no one wants to be around us. Much less stick around long enough to find out why we are upset.
We isolate those we love most when we complain about things beyond their control, or when we make a daily habit of "venting" out our daily stresses on are over burdened spouses or other close loved ones of friends.
 


"Complaining", or "venting" creates a burden on others whether we believe it or not.



The next time that you feel the urge to "complain" or "vent" out your frustration, think about this...
Will your "venting" or "complaining" make anyone feel better, or fix the problem or issue you are complaining about? Does it make you feel exceptionally good to make someone else feel guilty or bad? How do you feel when others vent or complain to you?



The next time you or someone you love desires to vent or complain about anything, stop. And remind yourself of these sections of scripture...(this is meant especially for those who profess to be Christians).



Ephesians 4:29-32 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto

And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. the hearers.


Philippians 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.



As you read through these passages, I've presented here, no where do we see where we should "dump" or "vent" all of our problems or troubles on anyone else, for any reason. Instead we are told to not worry, to pray, to give thanks to God, to make our requests known to God. *Believing that He is able to help us through whatever problem or issue we have, no matter whether it is a huge problem that is overwhelming us, or a small problem. When we decide to complain to others or even to God, we are saying in effect that all of our focus is on ourselves, are wants, desires, and needs. We close out others who may be hurting or in more difficult situations than we are.



Also when Christians especially, complain or vent repeatedly, not only is the personal testimony lost, but we are placing our own problems and trials above all of the good things that God has given us.
God reminds us to focus on things that are pleasant and things that are good, and of good report, He also tells us to be careful that when we speak to others we don't fill their ears with corruption.



Christians are supposed to be tenderhearted, forgiving, but also encouraging to others. We are even told to put away wrath, anger, clamour and evil speaking.



Is it not hard to agree that continual complaining or venting is wearing to not only those we are complaining to, but also ourselves.



We harm our relationships when we continually are ungrateful, unthankful, and filled with a complaining, "I need to vent, right now type attitude". We make others want to avoid us as often as possible.



Our friends, spouses and loved ones, may really care about us, and really love us. But when we continuously, vent and or have a bad attitude, we push others away.



There is a difference between venting/complaining attitude, and communication.



Every married couple needs communication, every relationship needs communication.



Communication is not one party "venting" or "complaining" repeatedly about every little thing.
Communication is not taking another for granted; it is also not placing our ability to be happy or content on someone else's shoulders. When we do that we create for ourselves and everyone else around us a very unpleasant environment. It also ensures that one day, we will look around and no one will be listening.



With our own words we build our relationships or we tear them down. The difference between complaining/venting, and communication, is this communication considers those who will be listening, and also takes time to listen.



Not listening, or hearing another's point of view, then complaining on a regular bases leads to a gradual breakdown in relationships.



Finally if you are a Christian who has taken up this horrible "venting, complaining" attitude, thinking only to relieve your own self of whatever grief or strife you've found each day. Stop and reflect on the scriptural references above, but also read and study what the Bible has to say about our speech, I highly recommend you begin with the book of Proverbs.



Just as too much venting/complaining may cause problems in our relationships, even destroy many relationships, kind and encouraging words, build relationships.



Good relationships are built over a period of time. Godly relationships require time, and commitment to the will of God. It also requires that we take time to "hear" what God has already told us in scripture concerning our communication.



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